I just think it's amazing how much I've been through and all of the things I've learned in the past couple of years. I'm so glad I made this journal back in the day because I have something to look back on. I read most of my past entries and realized so many things...like how I was so naive when it came to certain things and how I thought life sucked alot when it really wasn't bad at all. I also realized one of my happiest moments in life was when I was with Steven. I mean looking back on some of the entries..I noticed we had our problems and our arguments but when I wrote about him I just seemed happy. I accepted moving on without him for awhile now and it's been a year and a half since we broke up and the thing is I have no regrets. If I could talk to him now I would probably thank him for coming into my life when he did. I learned alot about myself just from being with him and he was my first love. I'm glad my first love was him and not some other loser I went out with. Because despite what happened between Steven and I...or the events that occured while we were together we mostly stuck together through all the bad times and I give him props because I'm not perfect and I can turn into a real bitch sometimes but he put up with it for a little over a year. Rock on man! haha..the point to that is he will always be in my heart. But anyway, other than that life is constantly throwing me curve balls lately but I'm dealing with it. I'm still living and I'm gonna be 21 soon so the fun stuff is only beginning. I'm doing shit on my own and that feels good especially since I'm trying to get back to where I was a couple of months ago. I was doing awesome and going down the "I'm completely independent route" Well I bumped into a guy in the middle of that and I blew him off a couple of times but then I said "Alright, I'll give it a shot" because he was really nice to me in the beginning but at the same time I believed that it was too good to be true. Well of course he turned out like most of the guys I go out with.. nice in the beginning then he turned into what most people would expect of a "Metalhead" I'm not judging him or anything but he is a badass guy and when we first got together he was so incredibly nice. All in all..I'm not going to blame him for everything because I had a part in it and I pretty much ended it. There's a time when you just realize that hey, this guy just isn't who I want to be with. I just felt like I was someone else when I was with him and I don't want to be someone else..I want to be with someone who just accepts who I am. The music that I listen to may not be the greatest thing in the world to listen to but I like it..either accept it or if you don't..then don't bring me down about it all the time. The point of this whole entry was I wanted to vent a little bit.. there's still ALOT more shit I have on my head but I don't have time to write it all down but I will do it when I actually get the chance to. I work alot but I don't mind.. and I'm gonna leave on this note.. I may think that life is getting the best of me at times but no matter what I'm feeling even if it is loneliness, sadness, regret, etc...I will get through it and I will do the things I want to do no matter what others tell me.

Take care everyone

xoxo,

Ashley

I went shopping with Kayla a couple of days ago and it was soo fun. She got me some cool shit! I also filled out an application at Rue 21 where she works.. and I know I definately got the job. The manager is mad cool and we were talking about the job and all kinds of stuff. She said she's gonna call me this week sometime when she gets the schedule together to see when she can get me to come in. That store is sooooo awesome.. I love the clothes. It will just be a PERFECT job for me.. My mom used to take me to the Rue in PA all the time and I always loved it.  But other than that, all has been well.  Darren and I have been just chillin.. we might hang out with Haley again tomorrow.  On Tuesday I'm going tanning with Kayla! WOOOOOOOOOO! I need a tan so freaking bad!!! I was so tan last summer and I loved it.. :-)    But yeah, that's mostly it.. I'm gonna go!

laterrrrrz

Darren and I went out last night to hang out with his one friend Haley and she's totally COOL!  We just walked around the mall and shit but it wasn't bad. We were hanging out in the Best Buy parking lot and Darren was trying to be cool and show off his "banging" system lmao....he has speakers in his trunk that aren't in a box or anything so they just slide around the trunk as they please and it's just funny.  Later on he took me out to this nice restuarant.. it's called Ninety Nine. It was really cool and the food was awesome.. well I didn't eat it all cuz me and him filled up on the appetizers haha.  But it was really fun and I LOVE how he doesn't sit across from me in a booth but NEXT to me in one when we go out.. it's so cute when he asks to sit next to me.... I don't even know why lol. Anyway.... afterwards we went to his mom's and he gave his little sister a Slipknot shirt he bought at the mall. His little sister is 8 and she's cooool.  Well that's about it..

I'm out

PEACE